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In the recent generation there are so many troubled marriages thus causing psychological stress to both couples .It has necessitated me t research on resolutions to heal this troubled marriages ,the case study I have encountered in my research ,shows that some women and men have committed suicide after their relationship in marriage is broken. It has also caused psychological damage to the children. Some children have strayed away from their families following the breakage of the marriages and that is why we have so many street children in streets who have been victims of either death of their parents or breakage of their parent’s marriage. You will find that these children are psychologically damaged because of indulging in drug abuse. As a psychologist, I felt concerned to research on conflict’s resolutions in marriages thus getting the causes and factors below and I welcome all my readers of this article to take precautions in their marriages so as their be peacefully and happy marriages. Otherwise You spoil a marriage you spoil the Nation because a Nation is made up of families.  




Isaya Wafula Kutoyi






Disagreements or so called conflict are bound to happen in any marriage. This does not always mean you are with the wrong person or your marriage will fail. This could be initiated by either party.

It is useful to observe your fighting patterns, quality, and quantity.

Give up pretending that all is well and be genuine about your relationship.

Conflict is not just a difference in opinion but is a series of events that have been poorly or inadequately handled so as to damage the marriage relationship

Marriage issues get worse over time due stubbornness, pride anger, hurt, and bitterness and these prevent effective marriage communication.

Negative feelings become worse, more intense through long term neglect  


Is a serious disagreement or argument, a clash between parents, children and other members?

Is a struggle, or opposition, a difference, a contrast of opinion?  

Types of conflict

1.     Internal.

2.     External.

 Types of External conflict

A.    Man vs. man.

B.     Man vs. nature

C.     Man vs. society.

D.    Man vs. man (marriage.  

Factors that lead to conflict  

1.     Poor communication.

2.     Misunderstanding.

3.     Poor or lack of planning.

4.     Stress and frustration.

5.     Absent spouse.  

Causes of conflict in Marriage

1.     Money

2.     Jealousy

3.       Sex or romance.

4.     children (discipline)

5.     In laws

6.     Relationships. (Spouses friends).

7.     Behaviors.

8.     Unsavory languages.

9.     Unmet needs





The end of honeymoon is the beginning of real married life, the good girl, boy   cover is over, and real person starts appearing. Where   this marriage was influence by material, physical attraction, romance, a test of time

 Will tell the end.

There are various   ways for couples to resolve their differences. Marriages do not have to break .if the couple is committed to resolve their issues and communicate effectively the marriage will survive .Don’t focus on the symptoms diagnose the real issue. Eg MPANGO WA KANDO.




This will be   handled according to the cause of conflict.

1.     Have your way.( settled by avoiding confrontation)

-       Here one party gives in without ever discussing the heart of the problem. If repeated feelings of hurt--------defenses---- one party gets 

-       Frustrated- -poor relationship.

2.      Have it my way

-       One party overpowers the other e.g. domineering wife or husband .Ones needs are ignored leading to rebellion. The attitude changes from request to demanding (my needs must be met).

3.      Have it our way.

-       A phase of compromising and negotiating with each other. This works when there is good communication and commitment.

4.     Have it any way you want.

-       A stage of resignation and giving up, one feels hopeless worth less helpless, unloved due to un ending conflict.

-       One partner is discouraged and wonder if the issues will ever be resolved.

-       At this stage see a marriage counselor you can salvage your marriage.


The above article has been researched and written by a psychological First Aid Counselor Isaya Wafula Kutoyi.  

Telephone: +254791287265/+254727978041









 l'intervento psicologico di qualità durante l'emergenza 

tel. +39 0622796355